Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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