Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Randomize
