Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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