Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
