Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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