we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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