Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
