Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
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