Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
