I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
