Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
