I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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