my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
