dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
