and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
