I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
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I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
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I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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