And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
only if we run a train.
done.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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