i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
