3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
