I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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