Umm I'm too high to move.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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