Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
