In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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