bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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