I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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