Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
