Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
