Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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