I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
