also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
