wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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