Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
