47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
