i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
