why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
