The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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