the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
