Buhtt sex?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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