it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
