Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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