last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
