I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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