i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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