i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
