that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
