When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize