can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
