do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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