do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
