no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
