i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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