ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
