I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
