Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
