burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
