Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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