Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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