He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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