The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
