ya dads aren't the best wingmen
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
