I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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