HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
