My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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